Phone eNews

Washington, DC - In commemoration of the 40th anniversary of the encyclical
of Pope Paul VI banning artificial birth control, pResident Bu$h declared that it is now the official position of the United States government that life begins before conception and that all attempts at contraception are murder. Surrounded by a group of potential anti-abortion sabateurs who wish to be employed by Planned Parenthood, Bu$h stated, "When you were just a twinkle in your daddy's eye, you were a gift from God and any attempt to prevent you would have been a "conscious act against the will of God" and the murder of a human being." Under the new federal rules, refusing to fill prescriptions for "Plan B" or "The Pill" cannot be considered cause for dismissal of phamacists, no matter how loud and abusive they become at the customer and ... sale of condoms will result in arrest and trial for murder as an "accessory before the (f)ACT."

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This item was called in to Phone eNews by a Advil researcher who suspects that Laura Bu$h has had one headache too many and that Barbara Bush has had one headache too few.