Phone eNews - McSame to Fight Inflation

Dayton, OH - Here in the former Rubber Capital of the World, officials of Firestone Tires, a former US manufacturing giant, today, in a thinly veiled attempt to aid Republican Presidential Candidate, John Dwight McSame, announced a joint operation with Exxon Oil Company to distribute tens of thousands of antique ice picks to gasoline stations across the country to be used to lower the air pressure in the tires of McSame's loyal supporters. The Exxon spokesperson, Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf (formerly known as Baghdad Bob) observed that increased gasoline sales can maintain Exxon's profits without raising the already confiscatory price per gallon. Firestone's vice president, Isoroku Yamamoto, explained how the deflation should be handled by a trained technician, since using the pick on the valve rather than the sidewall of the tire endangers employment advances on the Japanese mainland. Although not there for the ceremonies, McSame thanked the foreign executives during a brief conference call with the United States Chamber of Commerce, the originator of the program.

---

This item was called in to Phone eNews by Lizzie Andrew Borden who regrets not getting the contract for her line of signature axes.