Phone eNews - Republican Governor Outsources Mistresses

Columbia, SC - "US chippies aren't good enough for him, or does he object to high wages and having to pay for benefits?" shouted a a Chaleston, SC "working girl" as she was being dragged from a packed press conference of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. Ignoring the obvious comparison to a long string of Republican Party "family values" champions, Ensign, Vitter, Craig, Haggard, Gingrich ... the Republican Party front runner for the 2012 presidential nomination and CATO Institute favorite, Gov. Sanford, has long been a champion of smaller government and announced that his five day absence proves that state government can be smaller, by at least one ... by removing the governor position. Investigation of the funding of the governor's intercontinental tryst continues in the context of three previous trips at the state's expense. Congressional Republicans are scheduling him as guest speaker at a luncheon so, like Sen. John Ensign of Nevada, he can, uninterrupted by pesky press follow-up questions, apologize, receive a round of applaus, and leave this sordid episode behind him. Members of the National Prostitute's Union could not be contacted for comment on this story.

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This item was called in by DC Madam, Deborah Jeane Palfrey, who is now almost destitute as a result of cheap foreign labor.