ZephyrHills, Florida - Miss Tilly Jones, an 87 year old resident of the Pleasant Valley Senior Home and part time WalMart greeter, has chained herself to the the doorway of the local office of Representative Ginny Brown-Waite (R-FL) to protest the failure of the Democrats to include appropriate reproductive services in the versions of health insurance reform currently working their way through Congress, stating "If a 20 something screws up and becomes pregnant, it is generally covered by private insurance. Let a octogenarian get a little kinky and the government makes themselves scrarce, just like the horn dogs here at Pleasant Valley... no morning after pill, no abortion ... nothing."
This item was called in from Madagascar by Angelina Jolie who has adopted over 37% of all babies born in Florida senior facilities since Nov. 2001.