Phone eNews - Cheney to Vet VP Candidates

West Palm Beach - Sources close to Dick "Shooter" Cheney revealed today, on condition of anonymity, that Republican Hate Radio host, Rush Limbaugh, has asked the former Vice pResident, to vet potential running mates for the 2012 election. Hoping to reduce the chances of another 2000 cycle debacle, in which Cheney found himself most qualified, "friends" of, first-term Kansas congresswoman Lynn Jenkins, are suggesting that Cheney get the campaign job only if he excludes himself the VP slot. They hope that if Rushbaugh needs a woman to balance the ticket, he will not make the same 15 minute mistake that Sen. John McCain made. Contacted for comment, Republican Hopeful, Mike Hucklebee stated that he could not take the job since he is working on his abilities to deal with political foes, like the less Christian idealogues at Faux News.

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This item was called in by Minnesota Mad Woman, Michelle Bachman, who is reporting offers from numerous gay, lesbian, bisexual and transexual groups wishing to become blood brothers with her. She has stated, "I'd rather exchange fluids with them than have sex with a Republican... you never know what those horn dogs will bring back from Argentina.